What do Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler Have to do with Your First Thoughts

January 26, 2012 by admin · Leave a Comment 

“50 First Dates” is one of my favorite movies.  I think it’s a great romantic comedy.  Just in case you have not seen it, I’ll give you a quick run down.  Adam Sandler’s character meets Drew Barrymore’s character and falls in love with her.  The catch is that, Barrymore’s character has a type of amnesia that prevents her from remembering the previous day.  She lives everyday of her life identical to the day before, with her father and brother protecting from the truth of her ailment.

Enter Sandler who falls in love with her and she seems to fall in love with him but doesn’t remember him from one day to the next.  In the end they marry and have children, but Sandler has made Barrymore a video that she watches every morning.  In the video Sandler reminds her that they are happily married with lovely children.  As she watches the video, you can see the joy on her face as she learns about her life and she goes to join her family.

By now I’m sure you’re wondering what this has to do with your First Thoughts.

Unbeknownst to most, we actually begin our day in very much the same way as Barrymore’s character.  When we initially wake-up we go through a process of remembering who we are, what day it is and most importantly what it all means to us. We essentially wake with amnesia.  And we gradually regain our bearings.

You may have had the experience of waking up from a very deep sleep completely confused about your location, the day, and even who you are.  Typically we wake much more gradually and as we do we sort of “step” into our reality, the same reality that is based on our beliefs.

Upon waking, you are stepping back into your self-concept or your deep seated beliefs about yourself.  They are not necessarily true.  Sandler’s character could have put any information in his video for Barrymore’s character and she would have believed it.  This is true of us as well.  Everything we tell ourselves in the morning is based on habit and past experience. 

This is why it can be so difficult to shift our experience by changing our habits.  We are actually “clicking” into them in the moments just before waking up, making those first waking moments incredibly powerful.

I have found in my own personal experience that this is the very best time to use hypnotic suggestions to actually create change in your day and your life.  The results have made such a difference in how I feel for the rest of the day that I have created a powerful morning meditation.

I meditate every morning either by relaxing or during my exercise on the treadmill.  I have been making myself recordings for years because when I first wake up I forgot what it was that I wanted to focus on in the morning.  And if you’re anything like me, if I have to work too hard in the morning, I’ll just skip it.

It occurred to me a few days ago that you might enjoy a recording to begin your day with too.  So I made one, it’s called First Thoughts.  It’s not a hypnosis recording because I don’t talk you into a deep relaxation.  But I do give you a visualization that you can do either with your eyes opened or closed. First Thoughts is designed to help you feel light, energetic, enthusiastic, and connected to spirit before you go out into your day.

I have good news!

The mp3 download is only 15 minutes!

More good news!

It’s only $4.99 (for a limited time)

Check it out!

http://www.payloadz.com/go/sip?id=1555338

Here’s to you and your First Thoughts!

Michelle Lee, CH

Self-Realization and 2012

December 27, 2011 by admin · Leave a Comment 

I am so excited for 2012.

I feel in my soul that it will be a very important year for women.  Always, when I approach a new beginning, I find myself reminiscing of times past.  Often remembering what now seem to be flashes of insight.  This time I’m recalling a conversation I was having with my mother when I was in my early twenties and I was expressing to her that I knew I would be a woman’s advocate.  At the time, I wasn’t sure how that would look.  But now, when I look back, I see that it has manifested in a couple of different ways.

For some years it looked like HypnoBirthing as I taught women to give birth without pain and suffering, then I began teaching day-long seminars about the power of the mind and how to use it.  Finally, I began combining hypnosis and emotional freedom technique to assist women in releasing shame, guilt, and anger in order to create a nurturing relationship with her Self.  Self-Love became my passion as I believe deeply that if women really loved themselves they would eradicate fear from their lives and would change not only her world but the world as a whole.

In the coming year my focus will be shifting a bit.  I will be focusing on helping women to truly “step into their power” and “step up to the plate”.  2012 will be a time for transformation.  I don’t just mean personal transformation but also worldly transformation.  I invite YOU to realize that you are already good enough and smart enough to stand up for what you believe in and create the life that you deserve.

Whether you are moved to write that book, start that business, or create that workshop that has been in your heart, for who knows how long, I would love to help you to create the time, the energy, and the confidence to begin and complete that project.

What is it that you would like to do this year?  How would you like to express your Self?

Are you afraid that you will disappoint others, or worse, yourself? Let’s do this together!

I would love to be your mentor and partner in fulfilling your Soul’s Purpose.

“Step in” and “Step up” during your Self-Realization Program and make 2012 truly phenomenal for you and those you love!

Seeing your Wholeness with Love,

Michelle Lee

The 5 Signs of Self-Love

December 2, 2011 by admin · Leave a Comment 

I still find that so many people are unclear about what self-love is and often confuse it with selfishness and conceit.  So, I wanted to take this opportunity to clarify what loving your Self truly means, why it’s important, and how to know for sure if you love your Self or not.

Self love is the core from which self-confidence, self-esteem and self-trust spring.  Self love is knowing who you are, where you’ve been, what you’ve done and loving your Self, not in spite of it, but because of it.  Loving your Self is about liking YOU, being your own best friend and knowing that you’ve always “got your back”.

A solid foundation of Self Love is your point of power to love more deeply and completely others and to create the life you thought you could only dream of having.  Loving your Self is not selfish, as some may believe; self-love is the source of your love for others.  Attempting to love others before loving your Self creates conditional, judgmental, gossipy, passive aggressive, codependent, angry and resentful relationships.

How do you know if you love your Self or not?  There are 5 definite signs that you love your Self.

  1. You take action.  Procrastination is an act of self-sabotage born of fear.  The fear that you are not capable of doing what needs to be done, the fear that the action you take will not yield the results you want, or from the desire to complete the task perfectly (perfectionism).  All of these fears represent a lack of confidence in yourself which is a symptom of not loving yourself.
  2. You define and design your life.  Your days include activities that provide you with a sense of fulfillment, joy and purpose.  Filling your days with tasks that are on your “should” list so as not to disappoint others or to impress others is “people pleasing” and “approval seeking” behavior which indicates that you DO NOT approve of  or love yourself.
  3. You ask for what you want.  You understand that you deserve what you want.  You are not willing to settle for less in your career or your relationships.  You express yourself confidently, asking for what you want and expecting to get it as a win/win with all others involved.  A belief that you cannot have what you want or that you shouldn’t have what you want because it may rob others of their desires leads to self-sacrifice and is the opposite of self love.
  4. You feel and KNOW that others opinions and emotional reactions to you is about them. Because you love your Self you can allow others to be who they are without making it about you.  There will always be people who judge you but you are so comfortable with who you are that their judgments simply do not matter to you because you understand that their judgments are based on their fears about themselves and have nothing to do with you.
  5. You take care of yourself.  You eat the foods and drink the drinks that support a healthy and energized body.  You bless yourself with exercise.  Making time for yourself and honoring your commitments to your Self is a sure sign of self love.

Indications that you do not love your Self:

  • You are in a less than satisfying relationship and justifying it.
  • You are in a less than satisfying job/career and justifying it.
  • You set goals or intentions but you lose interest in them, lacking perseverance.
  • You doubt your ability to create the life you want.  You doubt your ability…period.
  • You sabotage your own efforts.
  • You are indecisive, worrying that you will make the wrong decision or you worry about what others will think about the decision you make.
  • You are paralyzed by the fear of failure or even by the fear of success.
  • You avoid new activities for fear you will not do them perfectly.
  • You are in relationships that are conditional, judgmental, gossipy, passive-aggressive, codependent, angry and resentful.
  • You are highly judgmental of others.
  • You engage in negative “self talk” calling yourself names are defining yourself as incapable.
  • You feel stuck.
  • You put off self-care making others priority over you.

Of course loving your Self does not mean you NEVER engage in the unloving acts and ALWAYS engage in the loving acts, do not get caught up in perfectionism over this.  You do however want to be spending significantly more time in loving acts rather than the unloving acts.

Work with me!

Profound change can be as simple as an MP3 recording! Or we can work together over the telephone.

As always, I love to hear your comments.  Please leave them below.

Blessings,

Michelle

Do You suffer from Chronic Discontent?

November 21, 2011 by admin · Leave a Comment 

When we suffer from chronic discontent we futurize our happiness.  It’s very much like the “the grass is always greener” attitude.  One who suffers from chronic discontent is sure she/he will be happier when…when the house is cleaned and organized, when the kids are more independent, when you lose the weight, etc.  But the phenomenon occurs when we spend so many years putting our happiness and fulfillment on hold that we actually become addicted to being discontent. Being in a state of waiting for the perfect circumstances to be happy and fulfilled actually becomes a habit.

This is what, I believe, can lead to the midlife crisis. Suddenly on a fateful birthday, whether it be 40, 50 or maybe even 60, we realize that the life we’ve been waiting to have has still alluded us and now we have at least half of our life behind us.  Often it feels as though we have wasted our time waiting for the perfect circumstances.

You may also realize that what you thought were going to be the perfect circumstances are not perfect at all.  You may have found at least one if not many “imperfections”.  These imperfections lead to your justification of why you cannot be happy or content in this moment. Or why you can’t do what you thought you would be doing when you finally realized the “perfect” circumstances.

Finding imperfections actually becomes a way for us to continue to play small.  Perfectionism is our way of blocking our own progress.  Waiting for everything to be perfect before we can write that book we’ve been wanting to write, or start that business, or begin the exercise program.  Chronic discontent is a symptom of perfectionism and both lead to playing small.  Most people would much rather say that “I’m a perfectionist” rather than say that “I’m simply too scared to step out of my box.  What if I fail?”

This behavior can become so habitually that you don’t even realize you’re doing it.

Begin today by doing one thing that you’ve been waiting to do.  You don’t have to do it perfectly, just begin it.  Then tomorrow do it again.  Step by step and day by day you will be doing what you’ve always waited to do. Before you know it you will be living your dream life.

Work with me!

It’s easier than ever!

Now you can order your customized EFT and hypnosis MP3 recordings.

Would you like to…

- sleep better?

- be a better public speaker?

- conquer Chronic Discontent?

- overcome anxiety?

- take action NOW….

Simply purchase your Customized EFT and hypnosis session at http://overcomeangerandlowselfesteem.com/customized-mp3-recordings

I will contact you and we will set up your appointment for your telephone interview during which I will gather the information I need to help you to move forward quickly and profoundly. You will recieve your recordings in 72 hours or less.

Blessings,

Michelle Lee, CH

The Attack on Women’s Rights

September 21, 2011 by admin · 3 Comments 

A heads up for you:  Being Woman Without Apology, I am a woman’s advocate and mentor.  I offer personal sessions to mentor women in releasing self-sabotaging behaviors and negative emotions so that they can feel fabulous about putting themselves at the TOP of their priority list.
Also as a woman’s advocate you may find that my blogs will discuss spiritual issues and now political issues.  Previously, I had thougth that it best for me to stay politically neutral.  I’m now finding that this may be nothing but irresponsible.  As a planet and as humans we are in transition, spiritually, politically, and even financially.  This transition will require us to wake-up, own our power, and take action on many levels.
My blogs will be reflecting these transitions.  I hope to move you into action and respectful discussions.  With that being said, I hope you enjoy!

Last month Arizona state lawmakers imposed new restrictions on abortions that went into effect September 12; forcing Planned Parenthood of Arizona to stop offering abortion services in all but the Glendale, Tempe, and Tucson locations. Pro-life activists are touting this to be a “move in the right direction” for the safety of Arizona women.  Key word safety…

But in fact the new regulations and restrictions do little more than restrict abortion services to those who may need them the most.

“For the first time in more than 30 years, Arizona women will have far fewer health care options available to them,” says Bryan Howard, president and CEO, Planned Parenthood Arizona. “There will be no known provider of abortion outside of Metro Phoenix or Tucson.”

The new regulations require that only a physician can perform surgical abortions.  At first glance this seems to make sense, until one digs deeper. Upon further investigation I learned that in many rural areas where Planned Parenthood does not have doctors, nurse practitioners are trained in the procedure and although they have a comparable safety record to that of a physician, Judge Peter Swan considers this fact to be legally irrelevant.

But…wait, I thought this was all about the woman’s safety?   If nurse practitioners have a comparable safety record why is this new regulation necessary?

Planned Parenthood has had to stop offering abortions in rural areas not because they don’t care about women and are not willing to meet the newly enforced state requirements, as the pro-lifers would like you to believe, but because there are too few doctors available to meet these new standards.  In fact, Arizona law makers made it illegal for the University Of Arizona College Of Medicine to train doctors how to terminate pregnancies.

Hmmm…this is looking like major steps are being made to make abortions unavailable.   We already have a shortage of physicians to perform abortions, but now it’s illegal to train new doctors in the procedures too. I’m getting a sense that this isn’t about my or any other woman’s safety; it’s about making safe abortions completely unavailable!

Just on Tuesday Brewer signed a bill that outlaws abortions done on the basis of race.  This new bill will criminalize doctors and other medical professionals if they can be shown to have performed an abortion for the purpose of the parents selecting the race or gender of their offspring. Never mind that this is not even a concern in our country let along our state.

Is it only obvious to me that Brewer’s agenda is to simply scare physicians into not terminating pregnancies?  Arizona already has a shortage of physicians to perform the procedure, by law they can no longer be trained in the procedure, and now the physician’s that are trained may find with all of the new regulations that it’s just too risky.  Anti-abortion groups are hoping to eliminate abortion by eliminating the trained professionals to perform them!

We all know the history of the black market abortions; women going into the back alleys having unsanitary and unsafe abortions. The abortions were certainly not performed by a physician or even a nurse practitioner; just some guy taking advantage of a poor woman’s misfortune.  Many women died as a result and it appears this is where Jan Brewer is taking us once again.

The new regulations also require a woman to have a face to face meeting with the surgeon 24 hours before the abortion is performed during which “she will receive information she would not have received”. This includes information about the development of the fetus, the abortion procedure, and other options such as adoption and welfare benefits.  Until now, this conversation took place over the telephone with the nurse practitioner.

This restriction will require women who live in the more rural areas to stay two nights away from home.  Consider….. According to the abortion statistics published by The Center for Bio-Ethical Reform, (a significant religious based pro-life funder of abortion restrictions), 48.2% of abortions are performed on women with an income of less than $30,000 annually. Not to mention the fact that 64.4% of the women getting abortions have never been married.  The two night stay away from home will likely make it nearly impossible for the women needing the procedure the most.

I’ve known a few women and girls who made the decision to have abortions and they had already deeply considered their options and what it means for their future.  They have considered the ramifications of terminating the pregnancy and are already afraid about the procedure.  These “face-to-face” conversations with the physician will likely do little more than cost these women and girls more money, more anguish, and more guilt.

So, just who are these people that are slowly but surely taking away your dominion over your body?

They are The Center for Arizona Policy, Alliance Defense Fund, Bioethics Defense Fund, and Life Legal Defense Fund, all of which are religious based pro-life organizations, supporting religious freedoms.

Well…my God believes that it’s my decision to maintain a pregnancy or terminate it considering it is my body that is needed to create another body.  Shouldn’t this be my freedom?

All of you pro-lifers are free to have all the children you want.  However, the rest of us want the right to choose and affordable access to the procedures that support our choices.    The restrictions being put into place are doing no more than making safe abortions inaccessible and eventually impossible.  They won’t stop abortions.  Women who want and need to terminate a pregnancy will risk their lives and safety to do it.  History has proven it so.

According to the same publication the reason for 93 % of all abortions is that the pregnancy is unwanted.

I have an idea!

It may sound radical to you pro-lifers out there, but instead of making abortion inaccessible to unmarried, low-income women and forcing them to have a child they don’t want, how about we funnel all of the money you’re spending to take away women’s right to choose on preventing unwanted pregnancies!

I know…its way outta the box thinking!  But hang on, there’s more….

Since according to your (The Center for Bio-Ethical Reform) statistics 20% of abortions are performed on teen-aged girls, we could maybe teach something beyond abstinence in schools.  Oh…that’s right, you don’t want to encourage the children to have sex by teaching them how to prevent unwanted pregnancies!

Considering that 20% of the abortions are performed on teens, I’m thinking that this abstinence approach isn’t working….

No, instead let’s let them get pregnant at the age of 15 or 16 and make their parents sign and notarize a permission slip to get an abortion. (By the way this same young woman doesn’t need a permission slip to give birth or to give a child up for adoption.) Or we can just guilt her into having an unwanted child, which will drastically change the course of her life.  Oh and where is the teen-aged father?  Yes, he’ll have to pay child support but beyond that his life will probably not be too affected.  Certainly not like the teen mom’s.

Perhaps we can even take this a little deeper.

What is it in a woman’s psyche that allows her to get pregnant when she doesn’t want to be?

According to The Center for Bio-Ethical Reform 52% of all abortions are performed for women younger than age 25.  A true woman’s advocate, rather than a religious fanatic, might ask, “Why do women with their entire lives ahead of them put their futures at stake with the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy?”

Being a woman and having been pregnant at 15 my answer would be that many women and girls want to be loved and accepted by that boy or man she is about have sex with.  She doesn’t want to “rock the boat” or “make waves” by demanding that he wear a condom.  When she does ask he will probably whine and complain about it “not feeling the same”.  He may even say something about “true love not needing a condom”.

She will almost always give in.  Only to find out several weeks later that she is now pregnant.  But when she tells “Mr. True Love Doesn’t Need Condoms” he accuses her of sleeping around.  And there she is, alone and faced with a decision bigger than she is old.

I say that instead of making an abortion practically impossible for this girl let’s just prevent this situation by helping her to find her power.

Let’s give her a voice!

Let’s teach her that her worth goes beyond her sexuality!

Let’s teach her that her future is just as important as anyone’s!

….especially an unborn fetus!!!

Ladies… the Women’s Liberation movement is not over yet.  Our future generations (boys and girls) need to know that a woman’s worth is not based on a man loving her or finding her adequately fuckable.  Every day we hear of women and girls sacrificing themselves for the man they love.  In our society the girls are still growing up feeling inadequate and looking for validation from men.  They often end up pregnant and alone.

When we finally build a society that nurtures a woman’s worth. then abortion will be legal, accessible, free, and completely unnecessary except in cases of medical necessity.

The truth is the pro-life agenda is less about a woman’s safety than pushing religious dogma onto society as a whole.  If you don’t want an abortion then don’t get an abortion, but my and my sisters reproductive preferences are none of your business.

I cordially invite Jan Brewer and all other pro-life supporters to evacuate my vagina!

Why Women Need Men…

August 9, 2011 by admin · 1 Comment 

Or at least they think they do.

If I had a nickel for every woman who asked me why she would always lose herself in her relationship with a man, I would be a rich woman. Hell, I would be a rich woman if I had a nickel for every relationship I lost myself in. Ha!…I wish that was a paying job!

It’s a strange phenomenon. It at least seems to be a phenomenon. It doesn’t matter how smart, how successful, how old, or even how accomplished a woman is. She will still become completely lost in the man that she is seeing. Often she will find it hard to concentrate, she will obsess over how often he calls or doesn’t call. I have even known successful business women that have sabotaged their own business while in a relationship.

Women have so many more opportunities now than they did even 50 years ago. We now have the right to vote, the right to go to college, we can have just about any job, and many of us are entrepreneurs. But somehow we still have the notion that we need a man. Of course for some women it’s because the internal clock is ticking but for many others they still feel that need even though they have their babies.

We have all seen smart, successful women in powerful positions take seemingly completely self-sabotaging actions to get or to be with a man. We’ve watched our girlfriends walk in a state of foggy denial as she dates a complete loser. Perhaps you have also awoke within the fog after denying so much of what others were trying to tell you. And that’s not to mention what your own intuition was telling you.

As I said before it seems like a phenomenon, but it’s not really. Every person in our society is affected by the societal stories, history, and beliefs. Although women have enjoyed a great deal of increased “rights” they still live in a patriarchal society in which men still have more rights than women. Although, legally women have more rights, in many of our leading religions women remain the second class citizen.

I speak primarily about Christianity, as I am most familiar with it, but make no mistake, many, if not all patriarchal religions, blame women for the creation of evil. In Christianity, Eve was punished for eating the apple from the tree of knowledge. After which, Eve and all woman kind is punished by God. The implication of this story is that woman has disappointed God. This now, often manifests in the psyche of girls, creating feelings that she is a disappointment to her own earthly father.

This rejection first by God and now by her father will often cause women to have a compelling need for approval from men. When daddy doesn’t provide the love, acceptance and approval that they need as little girls (and few do) they seek it in boys. You can still see it today as younger and younger girl’s dress more provocatively to attract  male attention. Girls and women can be coerced into sex, crime, drugs, prostitution, pornography and even murder to heal the wound of being rejected by God, then by daddy. Many times girls and even women will do almost anything just to feel loved and accepted by a man.

This burden of rejection has been carried by our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers and so on, it’s no wonder that we find ourselves compelled to please men, to do anything to make them love us. This biblical story said to be inspired by God was merely to protect and justify keeping women dependent and powerless. We have been lied to about God’s intentions in creating us and how God feel’s about us as women.

If women are to reclaim their true power of the Divine Feminine and create the relationship with a lover that honors and respects both parties she must heal her relationship with her God, her father and her Self.

As always I would love to read your comments. Please leave a note.

Are you ready to heal that relationship?

Customized EFT and Hypnosis Sessions

Are You Bound by Guilt?

July 27, 2011 by admin · 1 Comment 

Women experience a lot of guilt.  Many have heard me say that guilt is poison.  It’s a poison that we must stop taking and giving to those around us. Guilt makes us do things we don’t want to do.  Our children get away with more when we feel guilty.  We say yes, to people, not just our children, when we want to say no in order to avoid guilt.

Guilt has been used for millennia to control people, especially women.  Organized religion is a, if not THE, major perpetrator of guilt affliction.  This has caused women a great deal of suffering.  A portion of the population cannot suffer without causing the whole to suffer.  When women suffer, men suffer, as do our children.

As thinking individuals we must demote the many stories of the Bible, especially the Old Testament, from the literal word of God to allegories at best and to stories concocted to support the agendas of the politics of the time, at worst.

Certainly as a result of our evolution we know logically that man and woman did not fall from grace by eating fruit from a tree.  It was simply a story created to explain our perceived separation from God.  Nor can we believe that woman was created from Adams rib.  That was a story created to explain woman’s subjugation to man.  Honestly, these stories (and more) go far beyond asking for my faith, they insult my intelligence.

Stating that many of the Biblical stories were probably more influenced by politics and the selfish, power hungry agendas of the writers of the day does not preclude the existence of a Divine Intelligence that some may call God.  But it does preclude the existence of a punishing, judgmental, human-like god that would curse humankind with guilt and shame.

It’s unjust that such stories of woman’s subjugation and guilt have become so embodied within her as to manifest as painful childbirth, painful menstruation, difficult menopause and even as breast cancer and cancers of other female organs. The rejection of the Feminine is also manifested for women as a fear of her intuition and her instincts.  Women have become indecisive, fearing that their decisions will somehow harm those they care about.  As depicted in the Biblical eating of the apple story portrays.

We all have stories that define who we are.  The biblical and other religious stories are Universal and create a culture of rape and violence against women.  These stories and many others that I have not mentioned give men a sense of entitlement over our bodies and our energy.  Often we give them this entitlement to earn the love we lost when Eve followed her instincts and ate of the tree of knowledge, only to supposedly disappoint God and to curse all of humanity.

The Divine Feminine is walking the Earth.  In order fully embody Her, we must heal the wounds of patriarchy.  We must rewrite the stories of creation for ourselves and redefine our relationships with men.  Releasing the shame and guilt that have been forced upon us is paramount to our healing along with the healing of the rapes of our bodies and our spirits.  We must heal the abuses of our gifts of intuitive wisdom, healing by nature, and nurture. We must re-write the stories that have defined us and made us guilty and shameful.

I believed it when the Dalai Lama said that it would be the western woman that would save the world.  But it is our healing that will precede our saving the world.

Blessings,

Michelle Lee

PS… Ready for that healing? Check out my Personalized EFT and Hypnosis MP3 Sessions!

Self-Sacrifice is Selfish!

July 25, 2011 by admin · 1 Comment 

Consciously, we all set out to serve our families or friends with the best of intentions.    But for many of us, somewhere and somehow the energy shifts. It begins with the energy of loving generosity but eventually can become an egoic need.  Stick with me here and I’ll explain.

Go back in time, just imagine when you were a first time mom and your baby showed a preference for you.  Wasn’t that an awesome feeling?  I remember it well too, with all of my babies.  Because I was the primary caregiver, my children wanted my attention the most.  It feels really good to be needed.  For many of us, that was our first experience of really feeling important or significant.

If you’re not a mom but you’re a career woman, you can go back in time and recall the first time when your co-workers or even boss couldn’t do something without you. Maybe they had to call you on vacation or in the middle of the night to find out something only you knew. Remember how great that felt (although annoying)?  They needed YOU!

Feeling needed is an important part of our lives. We like to feel needed. It gives us a sense of purpose which is necessary for our overall happiness and fulfillment.  But it can shift into being less about love and purpose and more about validating ourselves.  It doesn’t matter whether you’re a mom, working woman, or both.  When service becomes about validating you(all self-sacrifice is, because we can serve without sacrifice) everyone is losing, even those you believe you are sacrificing for.

We can become so dependent on the validation that we receive from others needing us, that we sacrifice ourselves in order to get that approval fix.  We will allow our bosses, co-workers and especially our family to monopolize our time and energy, simply because part of us has become addicted to them needing us.  We begin to believe that only we can do the task “right”. This belief makes victims out of us and them!

It’s a lose/lose situation.  You lose your self…literally.  You don’t have the time, freedom, or the energy to allow joy, fun or fulfillment in your life.  You must make yourself available for everyone.  Because only YOU can do it right.  That leaves no break for you.  You can’t be away from the family for long…because who knows what will happen or the mess you will come home to.  I know you’ve said those words before, because I have too.

But your children lose BIG time, because they lose the opportunities to build confidence in their ability to do for themselves.  They also lose the opportunity to build a sense of independence because you are always there for them.  They lose the ability to know that they are responsible for their happiness…not you.  Your need to be needed actually makes them need you. And fair warning…when you teach them to need you, they don’t suddenly stop needing you when they turn 18 or 21 or even 25.  It’s a very unhealthy situation for the entire family.

For the working woman who sacrifices for her boss and her co-workers, everyone can sense your insecurities and you will eventually be replaced by someone who knows her worth. Most places want employees who are smart and confident…not just a push over.  When you know your worth, you will express that worth in the workplace.  You will produce bigger and better.  You won’t have to sacrifice yourself to be noticed.

When we tell ourselves that we must sacrifice ourselves for our jobs or our family so they will be happy, we are lying.  The truth is our self-sacrifice is more about OUR need to be validated and approved of by others.  We have been told for eons just how noble it is to be self-less and generous to no end.  It’s a lie that we will continue to perpetuate until we stop the sacrifice.  I invite you to stop giving yourself away to be loved and accepted.  Your love and acceptance begins within you.

When you give from a place of self-love and self-acceptance you model that for your children and they will be able to love and accept themselves, giving them a powerful foundation from which to be the best they can be.  Otherwise you are crippling them making them need approval from others.

Coming from self-love and self-acceptance in the workplace will make you stand out as most people do not really love and accept themselves.  Business is changing and manipulation doesn’t work the way it used to. Authentically caring about your clients, co-workers and boss is the only way to succeed.  This is only possible if you have a foundation of self-love and self-acceptance.

Today, begin loving and accepting yourself as you are right now!

Blessings,

Michelle Lee

Radical Self-Care Mentoring Program

Do You Time Travel?

July 19, 2011 by admin · 1 Comment 

I know, it sounds like a science fiction movie.  Time travel movies are my favorite.  I love, love the idea of being able to move forward and backward in time to manipulate events.  The work I do with clients involves a little bit of traveling across the waves of time.

You do it too, you know?

Each time you focus your mind on anything but the present you are time traveling.  Do you ever find yourself thinking about the past or focusing your thoughts on future events?

When you do this you are time traveling.  The mind cannot differentiate between actually being in that time or imagining it.  So when you are imagining the future or the past the mind is living it as if it’s real, which is why you can become emotional.

What is happening in the present when you have traveled to another time?

It continues to tick, tock, tick, tock on by…with or without your conscious presence.  When you are distracted, you feel as though time speeds up for you.  When you are not in the now you are either in the past or the future, completely missing the now.

Distraction shrinks time!!!

The more distractions we have the faster time passes.  You can master your time and increase your productivity by staying in the moment.

Save your time travel expeditions for therapeutic reasons and amplify your joy by remaining firmly planted in your now.  Take a moment to cherish your child’s laughter and silliness, the compliment you received from your spouse, or the lunch with your girlfriends.  You’ll be amazed at how time expands for you.

Blessings!

Michelle Lee

Get off the cross, we need the wood!

June 22, 2011 by admin · 1 Comment 

I was watching Oprah the other day as she was interviewing Wynona Judd.  Judd made a profound statement about losing weight and taking care of herself.  She said that she had forgotten to put herself on her priority list.  She also stated that now that she had finally made herself a priority she was happier, more peaceful and more confident than she had ever been.

If you’re a woman and especially if you’re a woman with children you know how hard it can be to make yourself a priority. We are literally taught that it’s more noble to put everyone else first and taking what is left over for ourselves.  More often than not though, there is nothing left.  As a result we become exhausted, overweight, depressed, angry and even resentful.  All of this eventually turns to guilt because we believe that we’re doing a lousy job and everyone else seems to have it together so much better than we do.

As little girls we learned that we are to be pleasing and helpful.  Not to mention that the happiness of our loved ones depends solely on our ability to love and care for them.  Eventually this becomes our greatest sacrifice and we begin to trade our happiness for theirs.  We become the good martyr acting as if our love for them is greater than our own needs and thinking erroneously that it should be.    All the while in the back of our minds we have the belief and desire that some day, sooner than later, hopefully, that everyone will thank us for our sacrifices. 

As a mother of grown children let me give you a heads up…you will never be thanked for your sacrifices!   

Primarily because nobody realizes that you’re sacrificing anything.  All that they see is that you are doing what you want to do because you want to do it.  And if you tell them that you are sacrificing anything for their happiness they will be offended.  Nobody, not our children nor our partners want to be responsible for our happiness, disappointment or sacrifice. 

Get off the cross, we need the wood!

In other words your sacrifice serves no one.  Not your family and certainly not you.  Sacrificing always leads to resentment. Later when you want recognition for all you did and all you gave up, they will resent you right back.   

Think about it for a moment.  Do you really want to be a person that someone you love gave up their desires and needs for in order to make you happy?  I’m betting you don’t.  We simply cannot be nor do we want to be responsible for another’s happiness.    

You must put you at the top of your priority list!  Nobody can do it for you.  What’s the worst that could happen?  Your kids may develop some independence and as a result, greater self-confidence.  Maybe your family will get to know you as the creative, joyful woman you used to be.  Maybe you’ll laugh more together.  You can have it all.  You can even have it all, all at once…and the bonus NO GUILT!

Now is the time to finally put you at the top of your priority list.  Are you so busy that you can’t see a way to have time for yourself?  Are you afraid of what your family will say if you become a priority?  I would love to help you redesign your life so that you can make time for you without taking anything away from your family.  Register for your Radical Self Care package now. 

How many more days, weeks, months or even years are you willing to live in exhaustion, anger, and resentment?

 Improve the quality of your life. Radical Self Care.   

Joyfully,

Michelle Lee